Left with only thin air, trouble breathing here!

I can't hold on, I can't let go,
How very weak, was never strong,
I'm free yet Withheld
Bound by what is said
Do or don't I stay awake,
Wishing the smallest difference
But making the biggest mistake,

Left with only thin air,
Trouble breathing here!

Lying still i make my stance,
A point in time present and past,
Paving the future with a cast,
Made of iron and held by concrete,
I am the driver in the kings' seat,
A throne and a crown decorates me,
Time and time again I fall and she,
She is the key that opened my door,
Shattering everything even the floor,
No crown no throne no castle to control,

Left with only thin air,
Trouble breathing here!

Once I went all in I lost it all,
I cant keep up with the show,
As The curtain draws I must go,
Was waiting for the opportunity,
 The chance of changing reality,
But I stand floating in a dream,
Darkness embodies me and I can't scream,

Left with only thin air,
Trouble breathing here!

I'm losing the chance to stop,
To clime higher on top,
But you can't win them all,
Losses only show when you fall,
Pains and bruises start to appear,
Just as fast as the dream came it disappears,

Left with only thin air,
Trouble breathing here!

I can already sense,
The down falls of her presence,
Small but carefully picked ,
The shit that normally wont stick,
But alas this is reality and here is my shit,
No illusions no delusions, this is where words come true,
From my heart, from my mind, from every ounce of conscience
I can't Even wish I wasn't like this,
I can't win with a lie,
But it can satisfy,
Until I wake from guilt, from torture and pain,
Pleasure has its' cost, nothing will be simple again,
but I don't want to give in,
To my instincts deep within.