Selective memory

My memory is worse than selective. I forget way too quickly, not always by choice. Sommetimes things are hard to forget. Especially if you want to. You start thinking about it more and it makes the memory permanent. Certain feelings arise from those moments you never knew existed. And you try hard to bury those feelings but you know are there for a reason. That reason is also a moment which can top the rest. So forgetting the memory becomes a fight with time. Nolonger can you forget it in that moment.

In order to truly forget you must think of other moments, where they come through in the end. A successful moment is hidden and it should be where your concentration is. To clarify all my ramble here is an example. Dad... He is and always has been the only one who truly cares about what I do... But there are moments of weakness that in truth I have forgoton, but I know exist. From those moments I've developed a relentless hate, which even though I know not to be true, I can't escape it. This feeling shouldn't exist, because it's built on a few moments. Burying it deep within myself is the only thing I know how to deal with it. Erasin it is imposible. Embrasing it when it comes is favorable, because it goes away that much faster.

Then I bury it back deep within my soul, hidden from even myself. Building on it, with the knowledge it's going to be destroyed, but without a time limit. Unfortunatly my method is not real, because even at the slightest disagreement I feel a little blast. My foundation has been built strong enough to hold. Knowing that there will be more destruction and even better construction because he's my dad.

With time I felt these quakes in even the moat certain places where I thought no quake would be. Most foundations have shaken with some never to come back up. Even when I dismiss the shake and make nothing of it. It can be fixed by itself. I think this needs another example of a moment that has come and past so many times it's dangerous to build. A friend for a long time is where I felt it. He's more like a brother to me than a friend. Our differences are so many so different that there is no building only rubble. The fact the rubble is still there fighting time itself is a testiment of it's value. Those that survive the darkest moment are the memories I can never forget.

Then there are memories that are so engulfed in darkness, they are the hardest moments to erase. They are where the darkest feelings arise and are given birth. Not forgotten only buried deep within the soul. These moments should never be mentioned or thought about. So no example can be made. Emotions are frigile and can easily change. Make your mind up and stick with it, otherwise trust will be lost on yourself.