When reality wakes you up

Life is the usual, and all is going well. You plan and expect outcomes from the future, but you can't really tell. As time passes and you get closer to the end, something suddenly comes up. Reality knocks you down and proves that it will be a challenge. The choice is left to you to accept it, face it, and make it. Cowering in the corner hiding from the truth, gets you no closer to success. Procrastination is a solution for those who fear to do, and fail epicly in the process. Given a forced choice between two outcomes, but wanting to do both equally the same. Leading life in no real direction except forward, enough with it being the same. Enough with me being here.

I know where I need to be in the future. What seemed to be logical thought/idea. I know what needs to be done in order to achieve it. It's just a matter of how long I take to get there. At least, that is what I thought. Faceing the first challenge between a rock and a hard place. All I can think is I need to breath. Forgeting I've already accepted this challenge in my head, all I can see is escape back to here. No place of value just open space, were I can breath with ease and not be scared of death.

Soulutions crossed my mind over and over. The easiest to attempt requires a full pledged motive. The hardest being four to six places at any given moment. I seem to lack a drive, a gear that will push me forward. Even though I hate where I stand I can't seem to push myself. Comfartable in the cushion of freedom and the idea that I can continue doing nothing. This is the standard in many lives, but do I accept just the standard? There is so much out there waiting for me to explore. Yet I expect failure more and more. The fear of failure is my greatest weakness. It's my cryptonite to life. I can push forward if a devastating attempt is made. Risking crippling in my life if I fail.

That's all I can imagine, that's all that seems to be there. It's horrible I think like this, but unavoidable part of me. This is the first time I think/discus it in my own mind. The first time I accept this problem as something that needs to be taken care of. The only way I know how is to face it head on. Take the hardest of the chalenges. If I try my best, I know I won't regret it.